Two or three weeks ago I had a bit of a meltdown, and long story short, emailed both my bands and quit.
I was burnt out from overwork and adult responsibilities, and just struck out at the one thing I could (in theory) remove from my plate (can’t quit work or being a Dad – not that I would want the latter).
Then within a couple of days I realised that I was quitting myself, because that’s what music is, part of me, a major part of me. So I un-quit again and recommitted myself to persisting in getting my music to as many people as possible. I apologised to my fellow musicians and generally, they were all pretty cool about it. They know me (slightly bonkers) and they know what it means to be an adult musician – it’s kind of hard.
Not “got no food” hard obviously, nor “shit, they’re shooting at me hard”, but it is still hard.
It’s difficult to find the energy after a long day at work followed by “the second shift”, parenting one’s offspring. It’s difficult to find the motivation, when it seems very few people give a shit about your music, when you know you kind of blew the opportunity that is youth up in smoke, drowned it in beer, or let it sort of slip away because you weren’t really making the most of your time.
It’s hard to see where it is going. Hard to find the money for it. Hard to find the wherewithal to promote a gig when your friends are all at home with their kids, too tired to move off the couch.
But then, if you DO get out there and jam, even (especially) when you don’t feel like it – it’s always worth it… always…
Persist or die inside.
Here’s a minute of blissful jammage from last night’s reconvening of 3 quarters of “Creatures from the Bog” last night after a break, mostly caused by my needing some time to sort myself out this year (I quit drinking in early January, and it has been a good thing but it sent me into my shell a bit).
Rob couldn’t make it but that’s Jarra to the left on the guitar and Peter on the right on the acoustic bass. This is not a written song, just a spontaneous jam. I love these moments and want to capture more of them. Enjoy.